THE PERFECT GIFT for people who ride their Harleys to work while wearing guyliner and winklepickers, even in freezing temperatures.__________________________________Jason's mid-life crisis started one Sunday morning in B&Q when he spotted a tub of boat varnish.'I will never own a boat,' he thought to himself.Jason has never wanted to own a boat. But now, not owning one is all he can think about.'__________________________________

The PERFECT GIFT for your long-suffering wife or prospective bride. Or, for any fool of a husband or seriously deluded groom-to-be who hasn't yet understood what he's signed up for.--------------------Tina is getting married. It is the best day of her life.Next year, she will claim that becoming a mother was the best day of her life, but only because she was on some very strong drugs.

THE PERFECT GIFT for those who value elegance, affection, cold hearted killing and expensive, clawed to death furniture.__________________________________'A pet can be great fun.Cats are warm and fluffy, like cuddly toys, and their owners give them lots of time and affection.And, just like cuddly toys, they do very little in return.'__________________________________'Over thousands of years, we have developed a special relation...

THE PERFECT GIFT for the lonely, the deluded and the desperate.__________________________________It is Barney and Leigh's wedding day. They have certainly come a long way from their first date.They have learned to supress their personalities and pretend they want the same things, so they will be able to put up with each other for several years.Everyone is happy for them.Their story is over.__________________________________...

The British Lawnmower Museum, Keith Harding's World of Mechanical Music and Mad Jack's Sugar Loaf. In a world of theme parks, interactive exhibits, over-priced merchandise and queues, don't worry, these are names to stir the soul. Reassuring evidence that there's still somewhere to turn in search of the small, fascinating, unique and, dammit, British.In a stumbling journey across the country in search of the best we have to offer our intrepid heroes discovered dinosaurs in South Lo...

Learn all about the different kinds of meetings - brainstorms, catch-ups, face-to-face, virtual, unattended - and how to avoid them completely . . .'People at work spend a lot of the day in meetings.Meetings are important because they give everyone a chance to talk about work.Which is easier than doing it.'__________'Rudd attends meetings remotely from his home office.He has three telephones, two Swiss desk in...

As we prepare to wave the President out of the White House, commemorate the past four years with this charming introduction to his very important life and his many, many friends - the perfect stocking filler this Christmas._________'When Donald won the election, he did not believe it."This election was a bad, unfair election," said Donald, about the election that he won.One day, Donald might lose an election. He will not like that election at...

The PERFECT GIFT for Mum would be to let her take the day off while you do everything for her. Why not get her this book instead?----------------This is mum.A mum has two very important jobs to do. One is to look after her children.The other is to do everything else as well.----------------Now Lyndsay's little boy is at nursery, she is l...

THE PERFECT GIFT for anyone who likes a glass of red. And a double gin. And a vodka shot. And a flaming tequila. And a candy floss caipirinha . . . and a small Bahama Mama.__________________________________'A good hangover should be a total mystery to you. How did this happen? Why do you feel so ill?Pretend to yourself that you drank less than you did. Insist you stuck to beer, forgetting the champagne at the start of the evening and the round of jal...

THE PERFECT FATHER'S DAY GIFT for those obsessed with the World Cup.__________________________________'If Ben were only happy when his favourite team did well, he would not be happy very often.Instead Ben is happy whenever a team he hates does badly.There are lots and lots of those.'__________________________________'BBC Radio 5 Live has cut away from coverage of the worst mainland terrorist at...

Too little or too much company can be stressful. By discovering all about Mindfulness, you can get away from it all by hiding out in the comfort of your own head . . .'Valentine became a Buddhist because he was interested in dharma.Dharma is a word for cosmic law and order.Valentine is sad. He thought dharma was a type of curry.'__________'Alison has been staring at this beautiful tree for five hours.She was m...

The PERFECT GIFT for that superhero, saint, figure of worship or, if none of those apply your plain dear old dad.'Shawn has set up his own firework display in the garden."Those big displays are rubbish," he tells his son. "You can't see a thing."When Shawn's son has seen the firework, they will go back indoors.Fireworks are more expensi...